A MESSAGE FROM THE FIRE FAMILY FOUNDATION
Dear Fire Family,
As the holidays approach, our attention naturally turns toward gratitude and at Fire Family Foundation, we want to take a moment to recognize a group whose strength often goes unseen but never unfelt: the spouses and partners who hold fire families together.
While one partner is on shift responding to emergencies, missing meals, and navigating long nights the other is often at home, managing the moving parts of everyday life. School pickups, family dinners, emotional check-ins, late-night worries, lonely holidays, and all the invisible labor that keeps a family grounded and growing... it's a lot. And you do it with grace, grit, and a fierce kind of love.
You are the steady hand behind the scenes.
You rearrange plans to fit a changing schedule. You explain to children why dinner will happen without Dad or why Mom can't be there for the Thanksgiving play. You keep traditions alive sometimes even create new ones from scratch so the holiday doesn't feel like a loss, but a different kind of special.
You are the emotional anchor.
You are often the first to notice when something's "off" after a difficult call, and the one to offer compassion even when you're stretched thin yourself. You hold space for joy, disappointment, pride, fear, and love all in one day.
You are not just supporting a firefighter you are serving, too.
Your role may not come with a uniform or a radio, but it's just as vital. Fire families thrive because of the emotional labor, the flexibility, and the deep commitment you bring to the table every day.
So this Thanksgiving, we honor you.
Whether you're carving the turkey solo, FaceTiming during dinner, or celebrating on a "make-up" holiday later in the week you deserve recognition, rest, and real support.
From all of us at Fire Family Foundation, thank you. We see you, we appreciate you, and we're here to lift you up as you continue holding so much with such fierce devotion.
Fire Family Foundation Monthly Newsletter
With gratitude,
The Fire Family Foundation
The Fire Family Foundation
Your Fire Family Journey: Shannen's Story
A story of love, legacy, and learning to navigate the fire family lifestyle
Meet Shannen, a proud fire spouse of over 10 years, whose journey as part of a fire family began unexpectedly and on a birthday she'll never forget.
"I met my husband on my 21st birthday," she recalls. "We didn't even really talk that night, but I knew who he was because I went to school with his brother. A few days later, I messaged him on Facebook. We went to Taco Tuesday and line danced on our first date. Three months later we were engaged, and six months later we were married."
At the time, her husband, Dustin, was a seasonal firefighter with Cal Fire. Shannen didn't fully understand what a full-time firefighter schedule meant. Although her father had also done fire work, he worked split shifts and other jobs so the demands of a full-time fire career were new territory. That reality set in quickly, especially after their first daughter was born and her husband was stationed in Fresno, requiring a five-hour commute.
Firefighting is more than a job in Shannen's family it's a legacy. Both her father and her husband's father are retired firefighters, creating a deep, multigenerational connection to the fire service. But fire culture has shifted over time, she notes.
Shannen shares, "Growing up my dad's station was small, tight-knit, and family-oriented. Now, departments are larger, and it doesn't always feel that way anymore. It's been a transition to understand that stations aren't small anymore, and there isn't as much of a focus on family it's a different culture."
When Fire Becomes a Way of Life
Shannen realized she wasn't just supporting a career she was stepping into a lifestyle that demanded her whole heart.
"It was after our first year of marriage," she remembers. "I was pregnant, and there were times I needed more attention and support. I had to learn that with his career, things wouldn't always happen when I wanted or needed them. That was a big shift."
Read more to discover the pivotal moment that changed everything for Shannen and how she and her family found healing, support, and renewed hope through vulnerability and community.
Discover How Shannen Found Hope and Healing ›
Your Story Matters, Share It With Us ›
Meet Shannen, a proud fire spouse of over 10 years, whose journey as part of a fire family began unexpectedly and on a birthday she'll never forget.
"I met my husband on my 21st birthday," she recalls. "We didn't even really talk that night, but I knew who he was because I went to school with his brother. A few days later, I messaged him on Facebook. We went to Taco Tuesday and line danced on our first date. Three months later we were engaged, and six months later we were married."
At the time, her husband, Dustin, was a seasonal firefighter with Cal Fire. Shannen didn't fully understand what a full-time firefighter schedule meant. Although her father had also done fire work, he worked split shifts and other jobs so the demands of a full-time fire career were new territory. That reality set in quickly, especially after their first daughter was born and her husband was stationed in Fresno, requiring a five-hour commute.
Firefighting is more than a job in Shannen's family it's a legacy. Both her father and her husband's father are retired firefighters, creating a deep, multigenerational connection to the fire service. But fire culture has shifted over time, she notes.
Shannen shares, "Growing up my dad's station was small, tight-knit, and family-oriented. Now, departments are larger, and it doesn't always feel that way anymore. It's been a transition to understand that stations aren't small anymore, and there isn't as much of a focus on family it's a different culture."
When Fire Becomes a Way of Life
Shannen realized she wasn't just supporting a career she was stepping into a lifestyle that demanded her whole heart.
"It was after our first year of marriage," she remembers. "I was pregnant, and there were times I needed more attention and support. I had to learn that with his career, things wouldn't always happen when I wanted or needed them. That was a big shift."
Read more to discover the pivotal moment that changed everything for Shannen and how she and her family found healing, support, and renewed hope through vulnerability and community.
Discover How Shannen Found Hope and Healing ›
Your Story Matters, Share It With Us ›
Supporting One Another Through the Holidays
The holiday season can bring both joy and stress especially in fire families where shifts don't stop for Thanksgiving or winter celebrations. This November, we'll be sharing tools on social media to help you and your loved ones stay grounded and connected.
Follow us for:
Follow us for:
- Simple family rituals for when your firefighter is on shift.
- Tips for managing holiday stress and expectations.
- Gentle reminders that it's okay to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being.
Ignite Your Mind: Fire Family Reads
Last Month's Pick Recap
The Firefighter Family Academy: A Guide to Educate & Prepare Spouses for the Career Ahead
Written by: Dr. Rachelle Zemlok, PsyD
Dr. Zemlok's book really hit home for so many of you. In case you missed it, here are a few key takeaways:
Get Your Copy
- Real Talk for Real Life: Dr. Zemlok pulls back the curtain on what fire family life actually looks like offering guidance that's honest, relatable, and grounded in both clinical expertise and personal experience as a fire spouse.
- Shift Work & Disconnection: The book explores how shift schedules, long hours, and emotional re-entry can impact connection and offers clear communication tools to help couples navigate that strain.
- Emotional Preparedness: A powerful reminder that emotional wellness is just as important as physical safety. The book emphasizes early preparation for the emotional and relational toll of the job not just reacting after crisis hits.
- Tools for Longevity: Whether you're newly married or 15 years in, Zemlok offers practical strategies to protect your relationship, manage stress, and maintain a strong family unit over the long haul.
- Empowerment Through Education: Many fire spouses feel isolated or unprepared. This book provides education that empowers turning uncertainty into understanding, and stress into strength.
- Validation & Encouragement: One of the most powerful takeaways is simply feeling seen. Readers consistently say they come away feeling validated, encouraged, and no longer alone in their experiences.
THIS MONTH'S PICK
Surviving the Darkness, Choosing to Live
Written by: Derek Robinson
Continue: Surviving the Darkness, Choosing to Live by Derek Robinson is a deeply moving and powerful read, especially relevant for fire families who often carry silent burdens behind the scenes. Written by a retired firefighter who battled suicidal ideation and post-traumatic stress, Continue is a raw, honest, and ultimately hopeful book about surviving the darkest moments. Derek Robinson's story is not only his own it's the story of many in the fire service who feel they must suffer in silence.
This is a book to read slowly, to sit with, and to share. We invite you to join us in reflecting on its message and in continuing the conversation within your own fire family.
Let's talk more about it together in next month's newsletter.
Get Your Copy
This is a book to read slowly, to sit with, and to share. We invite you to join us in reflecting on its message and in continuing the conversation within your own fire family.
Let's talk more about it together in next month's newsletter.
Stories That Connect Us
WELLNESS & RESILIENCE
The Health Benefits of Gratitude
Research from UCLA Health highlights that living with gratitude can do far more than lift your mood it can actually improve your overall health. Studies show that regularly taking time to notice and appreciate the positives in life can reduce depression and anxiety, lower blood pressure and heart rate, improve sleep, and strengthen social connections. The best part? It doesn't take much time. Just a few minutes a day spent reflecting, writing, or sharing what you're thankful for can make a measurable difference.
Key Takeaways:
In the fire service, stress, long hours, and emotional strain are part of the job for both firefighters and their families. Practicing gratitude is a simple, effective way to build resilience and support recovery after tough shifts or long weeks. Taking a moment to acknowledge what went well a safe return, teamwork, or family support can ease stress and strengthen the bonds that keep our fire family strong. It's an easy habit with lasting impact, helping our minds and bodies recharge so we can keep showing up for each other, both on and off duty.
Key Takeaways:
- Lower depression & anxiety A large review of ~70 studies with over 26,000 people found that higher gratitude is associated with lower depression levels; gratitude supports life satisfaction, self-esteem, and stronger social ties.
- Better heart health & stress regulation Gratitude may influence physical health through effects like lowered diastolic blood pressure and activation of the parasympathetic ("rest & digest") nervous system, reducing heart rate and stress responses.
- Improved sleep & recovery People who maintain a gratitude mindset tend to sleep better: they have fewer intrusive negative thoughts, are more likely to engage in good health habits, and can prepare their mind for restful sleep.
- It's a practice, not just a trait Gratitude can be cultivated. The article emphasizes that it's not just something you "have" but something you can build: journaling, pausing to reflect, sharing appreciation are tools.
- Physical-mind link The benefits of gratitude extend beyond "feeling good" they may have physiological correlates (e.g., heart rate, breathing, blood pressure) and behavioral spill-over (better diet, better sleep, better relationships) that support overall health.
In the fire service, stress, long hours, and emotional strain are part of the job for both firefighters and their families. Practicing gratitude is a simple, effective way to build resilience and support recovery after tough shifts or long weeks. Taking a moment to acknowledge what went well a safe return, teamwork, or family support can ease stress and strengthen the bonds that keep our fire family strong. It's an easy habit with lasting impact, helping our minds and bodies recharge so we can keep showing up for each other, both on and off duty.
FIRE LIFE
Tips for Helping First Responders' Families Adjust to the Holidays
The article recognizes that 911 calls don't stop for the holidays in fact, they may increase and that family members often face disappointment when their first responder misses important traditions. The author draws from personal and professional experience as a fire spouse to offer five practical strategies for navigating holiday stress when your responder's schedule doesn't align with the calendar.
Key Strategies for Fire Families:
This article meets the real-life challenges fire families face head-on especially around the emotional weight of missed holidays, shifting traditions, and the guilt or disappointment that often follows. It doesn't sugarcoat the hard parts; it validates them and offers tangible, actionable tools families can use right now. From modeling flexibility for kids to communicating clearly and resetting expectations, the strategies here help families adapt rather than wait for a "perfect holiday" that may never come. It emphasizes emotional safety for children, encouraging open, age-appropriate conversations and helping kids feel included in how the family adjusts. Most importantly, it aligns beautifully with the Fire Family Foundation's focus on uplifting the emotional and relational health of firefighter families, especially during high-stress seasons.
Key Strategies for Fire Families:
- Model flexibility for your kids
- Children look to parents to gauge how stressful or manageable changes really are.
- Instead of venting frustration in front of kids, plan with your spouse behind closed doors, then present a calm, problem‑solving attitude to your children.
- Invite kids into the process: ask their input on how to adjust traditions or timing.
- Redefine what "holiday" means
- Instead of rigidly tying celebration to a date, adapt to when your family can be together.
- The author's family sometimes celebrates early say, Christmas on the 23rd so that everyone can participate.
- Anticipate schedules in advance and plan alternate celebrations around them.
- Create first responder–friendly traditions
- Design new traditions that don't depend on a specific date or time (e.g., an experience rather than a date).
- For example, have a "gift-opening moment" on the last day everyone is together before a shift, even if that's earlier than December 25.
- Get creative: letters to Santa explaining the situation, or arranging for gifts to be delivered to the station so your spouse can participate.
- Plan and communicate ahead
- Have open conversations early before family and extended networks finalize plans.
- Be clear about expectations from both sides your spouse, your own, your children's.
- Accept that some traditions will shift, and that's part of first responder family life.
This article meets the real-life challenges fire families face head-on especially around the emotional weight of missed holidays, shifting traditions, and the guilt or disappointment that often follows. It doesn't sugarcoat the hard parts; it validates them and offers tangible, actionable tools families can use right now. From modeling flexibility for kids to communicating clearly and resetting expectations, the strategies here help families adapt rather than wait for a "perfect holiday" that may never come. It emphasizes emotional safety for children, encouraging open, age-appropriate conversations and helping kids feel included in how the family adjusts. Most importantly, it aligns beautifully with the Fire Family Foundation's focus on uplifting the emotional and relational health of firefighter families, especially during high-stress seasons.
Fire Family Strong Wellness Offerings
Fire Spouse & Partner Virtual Support Sessions
Real Conversations. Practical Tools. A Community That Gets It.
This fall, the Fire Family Foundation launched a six-part Virtual Support Series created just for fire spouses and partners. Designed to meet the emotional and relational needs of those who love and live alongside firefighters, each session focused on connection, insight, and practical tools for navigating the fire life. Each week, an incredible group of women fire spouses and partners showed up with honesty, vulnerability, and strength. Averaging 25 participants per session, they brought real questions, deep compassion, and a willingness to support one another through the highs and lows of fire family life. Their shared wisdom and connection is what truly makes this series powerful, and has created a community of empowerment.
Session Highlights & Takeaways for the First Four Sessions
We explored the impact of long shifts and unpredictable schedules on relationships and family dynamics. Spouses learned communication tools and strategies to ease the stress of re-entry and misaligned routines.
We unpacked how trauma exposure affects the whole family system not just the firefighter. Spouses gained a better understanding of emotional triggers and how to support healing without carrying the entire weight alone.
This session focused on how to talk to children about fire service realities, support emotional resilience, and maintain a sense of stability amidst changing schedules and missed milestones. A special highlight: hearing from a teen raised in a fire family.
Participants learned how to rebuild connection and emotional intimacy after long shifts or high-stress periods. We explored simple, repeatable rituals that foster trust, compassion, and closeness even during chaotic seasons.
SPECIAL GUEST
Matt Mesker, Retired Navy Seal
We were honored to welcome former U.S. Navy SEAL Matt Mesker as a guest speaker during two sessions. Matt offered a powerful perspective on transitioning from a high-stress operational mindset to being a present and engaged husband and father at home.
Through personal stories and honest reflections, he shared the challenges he faced during this shift and the intentional steps he took to rebuild connection with his family. Matt also provided practical strategies for reconnecting with a spouse and creating a healthy transition routine after intense work shifts insights that deeply resonated with our fire families.
Matt Mesker, Retired Navy Seal
We were honored to welcome former U.S. Navy SEAL Matt Mesker as a guest speaker during two sessions. Matt offered a powerful perspective on transitioning from a high-stress operational mindset to being a present and engaged husband and father at home.
Through personal stories and honest reflections, he shared the challenges he faced during this shift and the intentional steps he took to rebuild connection with his family. Matt also provided practical strategies for reconnecting with a spouse and creating a healthy transition routine after intense work shifts insights that deeply resonated with our fire families.
What We've Heard So Far:
- "I didn't realize how much I needed this."
- "I have people to relate to and I feel so validated in my experiences."
- "It's powerful to be in a room where everyone just gets it."
- "Community is so necessary in this lifestyle and hearing everyone else's journey was so validating."
- "I loved learning about the biological process of stress. I really feel like if more spouses knew about this it would lead to so much more understanding and a deeper level of empathy for the first responder."
- "Hearing other women sharing their experiences and validating/supporting each other."
FEB. 2026
STAY TUNED
Fire Family Couples Retreat
This immersive weekend retreat is designed to help firefighter couples reconnect, recharge, and recommit. With expert facilitators, guided sessions, and plenty of downtime, couples build emotional safety, learn practical tools, and leave feeling stronger and more supported.
Learn More
STAY TUNED
Family Resilience Conference
Our first-ever Fire Family Strong Conference is coming in early 2026! Join us for a weekend of workshops, keynote speakers, breakout sessions, and interactive resources designed to strengthen your fire family's mental, emotional, and relational resilience.
Learn More
Thanksgiving Traditions to Strengthen Fire Family Connections
Season of Gratitude
As we head into November and the holiday season, many fire families face the unique challenge of balancing unpredictable schedules with the desire to honor meaningful traditions. Firefighters are often on call during holidays, and partners and children may find themselves adjusting plans or celebrating apart. This year, let's embrace some special Thanksgiving traditions designed to deepen emotional connection, foster gratitude, and honor the fire family lifestyle even amid the chaos.
Meaningful Ways Fire Families Can Create and Sustain Holiday Warmth Together
Firefighter Tribute Moment
Take a quiet moment during your Thanksgiving gathering to honor the firefighter(s) in your family. Whether it's a heartfelt toast, lighting a candle, or sharing stories about their service, this tradition fosters pride, respect, and a sense of shared purpose. It's a beautiful way to acknowledge the sacrifices made in service to the community.
Take a quiet moment during your Thanksgiving gathering to honor the firefighter(s) in your family. Whether it's a heartfelt toast, lighting a candle, or sharing stories about their service, this tradition fosters pride, respect, and a sense of shared purpose. It's a beautiful way to acknowledge the sacrifices made in service to the community.
Recipe Swap & Cook Together Virtually or In-Person
Food is a powerful connector. Fire families separated by shifts or distance can still share the joy of cooking by exchanging favorite recipes in advance and cooking together over video chat. This creates a sense of presence and participation, keeping traditions alive no matter where everyone is.
Food is a powerful connector. Fire families separated by shifts or distance can still share the joy of cooking by exchanging favorite recipes in advance and cooking together over video chat. This creates a sense of presence and participation, keeping traditions alive no matter where everyone is.
Create a "Thankful Jar"
Throughout November or on Thanksgiving Day, invite family members to write down what they're thankful for on slips of paper and place them in a jar. At mealtime, read these notes aloud. This simple ritual encourages reflection and gratitude, grounding your family in positivity and connection.
Throughout November or on Thanksgiving Day, invite family members to write down what they're thankful for on slips of paper and place them in a jar. At mealtime, read these notes aloud. This simple ritual encourages reflection and gratitude, grounding your family in positivity and connection.
Volunteer or Give Back Together
Giving back can be a meaningful tradition that brings your family closer and reminds everyone of the spirit of Thanksgiving. Whether it's volunteering locally or finding ways to support your community, sharing this experience enriches your family's bond and sense of purpose.
Giving back can be a meaningful tradition that brings your family closer and reminds everyone of the spirit of Thanksgiving. Whether it's volunteering locally or finding ways to support your community, sharing this experience enriches your family's bond and sense of purpose.
Help Build Fire Family Resilience
There are many meaningful ways to stand with fire families, whether by showing up, giving back, or simply spreading the word. From joining a support session to helping others find critical resources, every action helps strengthen the resilience of those who support our first responders.
Your Voice Matters
At Fire Family Foundation, we know that fire families face unique challenges but there is very little data available that reflects the real needs and experiences of firefighter parents and youth.
We're conducting this short survey (one for parents and one for children ages 12-18) to better understand the issues teens in fire families are experiencing from emotional wellness to family dynamics to everyday stressors. The insights you share will directly inform the programs and resources we develop, ensuring they are relevant, meaningful, and effective.
This survey is completely confidential, and your honest feedback is deeply appreciated. Thank you for helping us better serve you and fire families everywhere.
We're conducting this short survey (one for parents and one for children ages 12-18) to better understand the issues teens in fire families are experiencing from emotional wellness to family dynamics to everyday stressors. The insights you share will directly inform the programs and resources we develop, ensuring they are relevant, meaningful, and effective.
This survey is completely confidential, and your honest feedback is deeply appreciated. Thank you for helping us better serve you and fire families everywhere.
Your voice matters, and we truly appreciate your time and willingness to help guide how we support the families behind our firefighters.
FIRE FAMILY PROGRAMS
Participate in Our Programs
Looking to strengthen your fire family bond? Join a virtual support session, register for a couples retreat or pre-marital session, or bring the whole family to our upcoming Fire Family Conference. Let's grow together.
Start Your Journey With Us ›
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